What do I say

I miss my bride more than ever. I don’t think anyone can ever understand the emptiness I feel without her. She was my everything. I long for her to help me with my everyday thoughts and feelings. I can think on my own, but it was a connection we had that helped me think and feel. A connection that can’t be explained or expressed to others.  I want her to be here when I cry. I want her to hold me and tell me it's going to be ok. 

I want her here for my decisions big and small. Where is my love for my thoughts, my talks, my walks. 

Some say you are here in spirit but that is not good enough. I don’t even know what that means. What the hell is a spirit. Should I feel better because you say she is here in some spirit form. Umm, I don’t. I want you here in the flesh. I want to rub the back of your head. I want you to hold my hand. I want your warm lap to lay on. I need you real, living love. I don’t need this faky ass spirit shit. She is with you always crap. I have memories. I dream but they aren’t the same. I need the comfort of my sweet ladybug. I need to see her smile, not in a picture, not in a dream I need to see it see it. I want to have her reach out to me and touch my face. A spirit can’t do this. Your dog died, this is how you relate to me. Your friend’s husband died so now you know how I feel. 

Did your friend's husband reach out and hold your hand in the morning. Was your dog helping you think or talk with you through a process or issue. Did they smile at you when you said “L A D Y B U G” in the morning. 

If you think these words make someone feel somehow better, try just being there and being silent. I shouldn’t judge. They are trying to make me feel better. Maybe they are making themselves feel better by trying to make me feel better. 

Just change the dag gum subject.

I miss you honey bug each day more than the other. I will try to make your legacy live because you cannot.