For My Ladybug, Forever Loved

Happy heavenly birthday, my sweet ladybug. As time passes, missing you has not grown easier; it has only changed shape. Your understanding, your love, your comfort, those were gifts vast enough to fill a lifetime, and deep enough to leave an emptiness that echoes forever.

I was watching Whose Line Is It Anyway? and thought of all the times we would stay on the phone, watching it together from different places, laughing as if there were no distance between us. It was in those small, tender things you did that I felt most loved.

The love we shared cannot truly be explained, and few could ever understand the depth of it. I often wonder what you would have done if I had gone first. But what I know, without question, is that your love will never fade. I will love you forever, babe. Happy Birthday.

2 Years

Well, ladybug…

It’s been two years today. The worst day of my life.

I can still feel the pain and anguish that washed over me when you took your final breath.
That moment has never left me— and neither have you.

I know I’ll never find someone like you again.
Someone so loving, so caring, so endlessly understanding.
You were one of a kind, and you loved with your whole heart.

I miss our time together—
those simple Saturdays when we’d go to Home Depot just to get out of the house.
Our late-night talks. Breakfast in the mornings.
Meal planning, trying new things, laughing at the failures.
Your hugs as I walked by, warm and grounding.

I remember catching you smiling at me when you thought I wasn’t looking.
That look—
that quiet, certain love—
I felt it every time.
And I know I won’t ever feel that again.

You left two years ago—
breathless,
yet somehow still full of love.
The echo of your warmth
stayed long after the silence settled.

You inspired me
to reach for the better parts of myself,
to soften where I was hardened,
to be gentle in a world
that often forgets gentleness.

Your kindness
was the kind that clung to people—
quiet, warm,
impossible not to carry forward.
Even now, it lingers in me.

I miss holding you,
feeling the world steady itself
in the circle of your arms.
I miss kissing you,
those small moments
that said everything without words.

But most of all,
I miss your ever-present gift of love—
a light that never asked to be noticed
yet illuminated everything.

And though you’re gone,
your love stays—
not as a memory,
but as a compass

Yesterday and Forever

 Hi Ladybug

What a whirlwind of a holiday season. It is still so strange without you. I am feeling a lot of emotion right now—grief has a way of making time feel both fast and painfully slow.  It seems you have been gone for a long time yet just yesterday when you shut your eyes next to me. Isn't it strange how this kind of encapsulates the  duality of loss?

It feels like years since you slipped away,
Yet yesterday, your breath was near—
A whisper soft against my skin,
A heartbeat I could almost hear.

The seasons turned, the lights grew dim,
But shadows still recall your face.
I reach for you in empty rooms,
And find the silence in your place.

Time twists like a thread,
It stretches wide, then snaps instead.
I wander through the now and then,
A shadow chasing what has been.

If love could span this endless night,
I’d cross the stars to hold you tight.
But here I stand, with empty hands,
Learning the weight that grief commands

I love you,

Brian