New Normal

My new normal has been trying to find a new normal. This is so strange, I never thought I would ever hear myself speak the words finding a new normal. I find myself trying to stay busy. I sprayed for weeds, and I thought, I wonder when she will notice. I put the 4-pound backpack on, do you think she smiled at me? This is the first time I’ve done that. I was spraying the rock walkway, she said, “that’s smart.” New normal they say. It’s been 3 months now. Is this healthy, writing my feelings about you almost daily? Should I try to forget? Could I forget? The hole is large. The void too big to imagine. Maybe if I was like them and believed I’d see you again somehow. Maybe if somehow, you were here in spirit. Somehow, I felt your presence. I would think that would be a disorder of some sort, but that’s me. I love you forever babe and will forever be empty. I wish I could believe something different, but reality is, I have what I had and now it is just in my memory. I’ll stop writing one day, but I will never stop thinking of you constantly. I love you Ladybug.