Happy Anniversary

 When I said I missed you I meant:

The connection and bond we had

The longing never ends

My heart aches without you

Part of me will always be missing

You made me smile and laugh

My light and rock

It seems like yesterday we were together but forever since you’ve been here

Time passes differently now

Life is empty

I love you

 

Happy Anniversary Ladybug

Hope, Renewal, Freedom and Release

 Butterflies are symbols of transformation and hope. There is comfort in seeing and the enduring spirit of Michelle when I see a butterfly. It is possible that the metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly could be the journey of a sweet soul from her life here on earth to a spiritual realm. I hear a whisper of love from her when I see a butterfly. Could this be a way to show me that life and love continue even after her death? 

You amaze me Michelle Ann and I love you – Always

In the eye of the beholder

There is beauty in everything. A random stop to take a picture of the changing leaves, led me to you. Standing tall in the asphalt, growing where most things cannot. I saw your beauty. You looked like a miniature Saguaro Cactus. With the backdrop of the fall senescence, somehow you stood out.

Perfect as always, stopping me in my tracks. A remembrance of our love that will never die. Thanks for your gentle nudge. I see you Michelle and I will always love you.

I feel your absence

 Hi Ladybug

I am missing you. I think you would have loved Montana. The scenery was beautiful and the skies so big. I remember watching “Big Sky” with you and thought of that so many times while I was there.

I feel like I have “withdrawal symptom” with you my sweet Babydoll. I was so used to you ALWAYS being with me and now that is no longer true. This longing and loss will never go away, no matter what I am doing or where I go, you will always be with me.

Fred Rogers said 

“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” 

My love, here and now, will always be with you. There was never a need to work at our friendship and love, it just was. I miss that. I miss knowing that what I said and did would not be criticized. Sarcasm was never a thought. We loved. I really wish I didn’t have to use the past tense.

My Ladybug! Oh how I miss my sweet butterfly.

I love you Michelle Ann Luck

-Brian

I saw you last night

 I saw you last night. You were so cute telling me about Stephan and how he had a lot going on. You’re love for him is undying, literally. I just smiled as I saw you beaming with pride.

“We will be well represented at the wedding in Minnesota”, I said.

I wish there was a wedding. I wish it was being well represented. I wish you were here.

I miss you. I wanted to talk to you more but when I realized I was dreaming, I woke up. I wanted to hug you.

You’re my best friend

You made me laugh when I was falling apart

You understood my silence

There were fireworks and grand gestures

The inside jokes and late-night talks

I was safe in your presence

I was raw and unfiltered with no fear

I held your hand until your last breath

We never ran out of things to say

Best friends forever

I miss you ladybug

I love you Chele

That time

Remember that time when you understood me

That time you loved me unconditionally

That time I said something dumb and you didn't misinterpret it

That time when you laughed at a joke you heard a thousand times

That time you chose not to roll your eyes and kissed me instead

That time you made me feel special

That time I didn't need to explain myself because you understood

That time you comforted me when I was sad

That time, no matter what I said, you were there for me

That time we held hands and talked 'til dawn

That time you finished my sentence and I finished yours

That time when nothing mattered but us

That time when things were normal

That time when family loved us

That time things were remembered

That time my heart unbent

That time will never be again ...

Missing you

I am missing you today

I knew you loved me for who I was, not critical and rarely sarcastic

When you were with me, you knew others might have heard something for the first time that you had heard a thousand times

You acted like it was still funny

I miss feeling your unconditional love

I miss you wanting to touch me

I miss you liking me

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, they aren’t always a strike

You kissed me, you loved me, you held me

I want it back, all of it

It’s not fair, but it seems it doesn’t really matter

I have an ache

Where you should be

No Waze

Where is my raft? I feel alone in an ocean without a map or destination

The GPS is in constant redirect mode

Recalculating

I’ve had a change in direction due to a mistaken or unexpected turn

My familiar became strange

Recalculating

Congestion caused rerouting

My strange became familiar

Are you listening or am I speaking adrift?

Recalculating

Significant change detected, detour, road closed ahead

Commonplace is unusual and unfamiliar

Recalculating

The road is flooded ahead, do not proceed

What is artifice and what is real?

Recalculating

Am I speaking to the memories or listening to them?

I miss you Ladybug, no matter who or what enters my life, I will ALWAYS love you.

A love without end

The quiet of our home amplifies those feelings of longing for you my sweet love. I’m finding new hobbies to distract me and they add positive experiences. I’m hanging out with new friends too.

I visited family recently. Your presence was felt, and you were dearly missed by everyone. Gone but never forgotten my sweet ladybug.

As I move on, I keep you with me in my heart always. After you were gone my heart was broken. I have since opened a portion of my heart up. I will never let our love disappear from my heart. You will always be there, and I will never keep you hidden or stay quiet about the love we shared and the love I still share for you.

True love never dies.

Take me Back

I wish I could go back to when life was simple, to when I had no worries and wasn’t so lonely. Back when the things I was afraid of were horror movies and dark rooms at night. I didn't need to worry about when I might get out of my house or when I might see my friends in person again. I look back at the pictures and the smiles. I remember the holidays with my entire family, back before all my kids left without reason.  Back when I didn't know about how cruel this world is, back when I was happiest.

I am doing okay with my current state, I have friends that care, but I feel lonely and empty still. I miss just living with someone, having them here to talk to, say good morning without waiting to hear something back. I miss the kisses before brushing your teeth. Eating breakfast with someone you love.

I miss watching movies on DVD’s and when we played games not to be better and win, but to have fun. I miss those times, I really do, when life was so simple.

I miss being married and having a Mrs. Luck here to share my ups and downs. I miss a neck rub when there is pain. I miss a shoulder when there is sadness.

My aim is horrible but damn I miss you.