Weak as a Dehydrated Lily

Michelle has been as weak as the lily plant I forgot to water last week, trying so hard to grow strong again on the kitchen counter. It doesn’t like being anywhere else for some reason. Several leaves yellowed that I’ve since trimmed. So now what? It sits, trying to find its place, on my kitchen counter. 

Chele was weak after IT this week but did not get nauseated or sick. I gave her Zofran and Xanax which kept her sleepy and weak. She slowly recovered and I continue to try to find the right formula for her day after treatment illness she has been experiencing. This is not easy. 

Highlight of the week Another trip to Hobby Lobby this week was a great time for Chele. She bought some stamps for card making and a paint by numbers picture. She wants to feel normal again. I was excited to see her creative side trying to come out again.

Random Fact of the Week Ancient Egyptians included lilies in the funeral ceremonies for mummies because they saw power in this flower. Lilies continued to grow in popularity for religious occasions. In artwork, the Virgin Mary is often found holding white bundles of lilies, representing her purity. One of the most popular lilies is the Easter lily plant, which has become one of the most prominent symbols for Easter. In Chinese culture, lilies are known to symbolize good luck and long-lasting love.

In addition to their usage at religious ceremonies, lilies have also been used for medicinal purposes. The buds or oils of the lily have been known to reduce fever and make skin firmer, thus lessening wrinkles.

Did you know? Michelle loves lilies. It was the bridal bouquet she carried in our wedding. Someone just asked recently what her favorite flower was, and without hesitation she said, “it will always be the lily”.

Deep Thoughts I have been thinking a lot about this dumb lily plant. It was so weak, leaves drooping down, stems bent beyond repair, such a change from the vibrant plant it used to be. Michelle love lilies and was so sad to see the condition. Fresh water on the root bed and a new location helped. I also wiped each leaf down and cleaned the built-up dust and dirt off. I talked while I did this. The plant is recovering now. How close is this to Chele? Is she my sweet lily? So weak and frail, drooping as she walks. Encouragement and nourishment. I watch as the week goes on and she no longer needs her walker. She grows stronger each day, up to treatment day. Then it’s back to the counter and I need to wipe the dust off her leaves again.

Throwback Love Story It was 2am sometime is 2003 and the phone rings. I have been a light sleeper for a long time. I answer the phone on the first ring, and it was someone from work (MCI) asking for Michelle. “Hi Brian, is Spence there?” Michelle’s maiden name is Spencer so people at work called her Spence. It took a bit for me to get Chele to respond to me, but I eventually got her to realize she had a phone call. She grabbed the phone and started talking. 

“Have you rebooted the system? Type in SET HOST/RLOGIN” I listened to the conversation for about 15 minutes go on and on. Finally, the call was over, and I asked if everything went ok, she said it was fine, there was just someone who didn’t know how to use VMS that was on shift. I got them all fixed up, she said. I hung the phone up for her (we had a landline back then) and we went back to sleep. 

The following morning, we were enjoying coffee by the pool, before we started our day. I asked her about the 2am call. I wanted to see if there was a learning point for me to pick up on. She taught me a lot about work stuff, she’s smart and trust me, I listened – most of the time. When I questioned her, she had no idea what I was talking about. She had no recollection of being on the phone at 2am. It takes special kind of knowledge and person to be able to troubleshoot a problem to resolution for your job, literally in your sleep.

H2Daytime "The Great British Bake Off" -reruns (Netflix), “Survivor” (Paramount +), “Amazing Race” (Paramount +)

Primetime Soil “The Fall of the House of Usher” (Netflix) (★★★★), "The Great British Bake Off" (Netflix), Football

“The Lily Pad”

The Menu

Starters

THC Gummies

Mandarin Oranges

Pineapple Chunks

Flowering Blooms

Jambalaya

Hamburgers (★★★)

Chicken Cacciatore (★★) – too thick

Crab Ravioli  (★★½)

Beef Tenderloin

Swiss Steak(★★) – too spicy

Pork Chops (★★★★)

Stems

Green Beans

Carrots

Ranch Style Beans

Fried Corn

Watering

Enterade

Aldi Lemonade

Aldi Strawberry Lemonade

Treats

Ice Cream

Jellybeans

Love you,

Brian

www.SaveTheLily.org

Her Smile is Brighter than a Welder's Arc

Chele’s smile was brighter than a welder’s arc this week. It was a chemo week, which means 3 straight days of chemotherapy. This was the last round of 6, so no scheduled cisplatin infusions in the near future. Day one is 6 hours long. Normal chemo weeks Chele is worn out and sleepy. Walking can be a challenge and she stays dehydrated and exhausted. This week she was walking around saying she needed the exercise. She smiled more than she frowned and just seemed happier. Day 2 lasted about 2 ½ hours because she also had IT chemo. Day 3 was the shortest day at around 90 minutes. Day 3 was the worst. The harsh reality is the day after IT she will always have a bad day. Once a week she will be dehydrated, not want to eat and stay nauseated. She had the strongest anti-nausea drugs this week and the results were the same. Day 4, there were no appointments, just recovery. She finally was eating normal by dinner. We spent a quiet relaxing weekend at home, no nausea or illness to report. Lots of sleeping but no sickness. Chele is very weak again. Rest and recovery.

Random Fact of the Week What is an arc? An electrical potential difference must exist between two points for an arc to form: There is a surfeit of electrons (the negatively charged elementary particles within the atomic shell) at one end, and hence a negative charge. At the other end, the lack of electrons results in a positive electrical charge. This difference generates a voltage. A phenomenon known as a dielectric breakdown occurs under certain conditions. This happens when physical forces attempt to balance out the difference between the charges. A channel is created in which the heat and high voltage ionize the gas between the poles to form an electrically conductive plasma. Only current can flow through this plasma channel. Depending on the type of power source, the breakdown can occur as a spark or a flash and is extinguished just as rapidly as soon as the difference in charge is balanced out. Alternatively, it can continue to burn as an arc.

Did you know? Michelle changed her hairstyle when she changed men. After 15 years of marriage, she finally cut her long hair short, I was lucky she didn’t cut me short too! I have added a photo of her with short hair.

Throwback Love Story Life before our ranch, we owned 1.5 acres in a suburb of Austin. It was dense with trees which meant the temperature was always 10 degrees cooler than the rest of the city. It also meant plenty of wildlife. Chele had chickens of course and we needed good fences to keep the bigger critters from a free lunch. I don’t like to hire much out, so I decided putting a fence around the perimeter would be relatively simple. I bought some hog panels and tack welded those to existing posts around the property. I am far from a professional welder, but tack welding isn’t an art. It is a touch of the arc just enough to tack metal to metal. I needed to do this 2 times per pole and there were about 50 poles. I had all my safety gear on, gloves, pants, welder’s jacket, the works. Helmet in hand I started the work. After about the 3rd pole, lifting the helmet got to be a real nuisance. I decided I would get my weld prepped, then just when I was ready for the arc, I could close my eyes real tight and tack it. This worked perfectly. No helmet needed; the job went so much faster. I was safe and all was well. I finished the fence and helped Chele with her projects for the day. We enjoyed a quiet evening at home, we watched Survivor on TV and I thought “I could do that. I need to apply, lol” We headed off to bed around 10pm. I woke up at 3am with something in my eye. It felt like metal. I went into the bathroom and tried to wash it out. I frantically woke Michelle up asking for her help. She too could not see or get the metal out of my eyes. 

We are seen almost immediately at the ER. The ER doc asked for my story, and I tell him I was working with some metal putting up fence earlier in the day and I thought I had grinded some metal into my eyes. He put a numbing agent into my eyes that gave instant relief. An examination and an orbit x-ray were done, but nothing was found. The pain started to return about 15 minutes after they gave me the eye drops. The doc came back in and gave me more pain medicine and asked me to step through exactly what I was doing. This is when I mentioned I was welding. He stopped me immediately and said, “You have welders’ eye” He gave me some medicine and sent me on my way. Michelle did not let that go. She first said “Really? No helmet? What were you thinking” Of course she was concerned and happy this was not permanent, now that it was over though, I got the 3rd degree. Every time I pick up a welder’s helmet, I think of that lecture I got from her that day “and getting me up at 3am because you were not smart” (She doesn’t like using the word stupid) “No helmet. I can’t believe that”. "What made you think that you couldn't burn your eyeball through your eyelids Brian?" Then it was a soft kiss and an "I love you"

Deep Thoughts Moods and emotions are complex. It's thought that three factors combine to create them in the brain: biology (for example, hormones and brain chemicals), psychology (such as personality and learned responses), and environment (like illness and emotional stress). Common, everyday causes of a negative mood are: Stress, Poor sleep, Tiredness and Overwork. I've realized that my sleep directly affects my activities during the day. If I get a good night's sleep, I have more energy and take more action. With less sleep I complain more and push blame on other things. 

Guiding Light "The Great British Bake Off" (Netflix), “Survivor” (Paramount +), “Amazing Race” (Paramount +), “Big Brother” (Paramount +) 

Primetime Spark “The Fall of the House of Usher” (Netflix) (★★★★) Siblings Roderick and Madeline Usher have built a pharmaceutical company into an empire of wealth, privilege and power; however, secrets come to light when the heirs to the Usher dynasty start dying.  

“Bad Sisters” (Apple TV), “The Morning Show” (Apple TV) Season 3, Football, Hockey

“Welders Whey”

The Menu

Starters

THC Gummies

Mandarin Oranges

The Arc

Crème of Chicken, unsalty ass Chicken (★) Under seasoned this time

Beef Sausage (★) not my favorite -chele

Meatloaf (★★★★)

Fried Cod (★★★)

Classic Chicken Sandwich

Sweet and Sour Chicken (★★★)

Brazing

Green Beans

Sweet Corn 

Carrots

Fluids

Enterade

Aldi Lemonade

 

Love you,

Brian

www.WeldersEyeHurts.com

Breaking the Back of the Beast

Chele broke the back of the beast this week, IT treatment proved challenging as it was followed by only one day of sickness. We are still in a learning curve on how to handle intrathecal chemotherapy. Next week she will try taking anti-nausea meds the night of treatment. Hopefully this will reduce the illness on the day after the treatment.

The rest of the week was good. Week 3 after chemo is always Chele’s strongest week. Her confidence continues as her strength grows each day. I have noticed more confusion and forgetfulness.  

Highlight of the week We went to Costco this week. Chele stopped at an end cap and was enjoying a free sample of Chobani yogurt. The Club Demonstration Services employee, otherwise known as a free sample worker, was working Michelle hard, trying to sell her some Greek yogurt. I had stepped away to grab something out of the freezer and I heard this guy’s sales pitch” It reduces your appetite and hunger while boosting your metabolism, Chobani prides itself on encouraging good mental health and lowering blood pressure. It's even been known to help improve bone health”. Michelle looks up at him from her Costco Shopping EV and gives him a crooked smile. He kind of stops mid-sentence and says, "uh umm don't feel obligated ma'am, would you like me to put one in your basket?" I was hiding by the nearby cooler when she caught me chuckling at her. She couldn’t contain her own laughter.

So, I'm loading this case of Chobani yogurts into the car in the parking lot and she says, “I will not eat those yogurts, if you want to return them. I did not want to be rude to the nice man.”  

Random Fact of the Week Oftentimes, patients believe there is a difference between bone fractures and breaks. Many people wrongly believe that "fracture" refers to a crack while a "break" is an obviously separated bone. However, orthopedic professionals have spoken out against this belief, explaining that "fracture" is the term medical professionals use to describe any crack or break in a bone. I feel mine when the weather changes.

Did you know? Michelle doesn’t like peanut butter. It’s always hard for people to believe that Michelle doesn’t like peanut butter. Treats are shared with Reese’s Pieces, and she will plain pass. What’s good for the goose is not always good for the gander.  

Throwback Love Story It was October 19th, 2022, our anniversary. We had a nice day. I did not take the day off work. Michelle and I planned on going to dinner that night. It was our 20th wedding anniversary, but it landed in the middle of the week. We had plans to spend the weekend babysitting the grandkids in OKC then it was off to Vegas for a 20-year wedding celebration. At dinner I asked Michelle if she heard back from the rheumatologist about side effects on a new drug she started. We noticed some slurred speech earlier in the week, but we were not too alarmed. The rheumatologist said there was no way the drug had anything to do with slurred speech and Michelle should see her primary care doctor or go to urgent care. I asked Michelle ~when~ she heard back from the rheumatologist, and she said it was early in the morning. She proceeded to tell me that she did not want to ruin our anniversary with this news and figured it could wait. Classic Michelle. We contacted her primary care doctor on Thursday morning, and she advised us to go to urgent care immediately.

Waiting on the results of the cat scan of Michelle’s brain, we were both optimistic we would be released shortly. The internal medicine doctor returned with the results and suggested we cancel our weekend travel plans and he made arrangements for us to spend the night in the hospital. One night turned into 6. Not having a clear understanding of what was going on, I asked the charge nurse for a better explanation. The internal medicine doctor called our room and was quite rude. He was wondering what information I needed. He continued to explain that Chele had a bunch of lesions in her brain. A bunch means, draw a circle on the ground and throw a handful of pebbles in it. Reality, harsh as it was. We did not expect our time with Michelle would be very long. 10 weeks of radiation calmed Chele’s neurological symptoms.

Blood thinners were prescribed after a blood clot was caught in her lungs this past January. Another round of directed radiation was ordered in early June after chest pain with deep breathing landed Chele back in the ER. It was then Michelle decided to start a chemotherapy regimen to try to stop the further cancer growth in her body. Chele had an Ommaya Reservoir put in, this past September. This delivers chemotherapy directly to the brain and spine to help with her neurological symptoms affected by the cancer.  

Maybe not the love story you are used to seeing in my updates, but a love story it is. We continue our journey, 1 year strong.

Deep Thoughts Positive thinking has the power to turn a day full of nausea and sickness into a dream date spent with my soul mate. While a delicious Crème Bismarck from Round Rock Donuts is always a good idea, there is something about just spending time with Chele that feeds my soul in a way that even the best cookie dough blizzard can’t do.

Daily Beast “Chicago Fire” (Peacock), "The Great British Bake Off" (Netflix), “Survivor” (Paramount +), “Amazing Race” (Paramount +), “Big Brother” (Paramount +) You? (Netflix)

Primetime Beat “Bad Sisters” (Apple TV), Broncos/Vikings/Longhorns Football, Twins Baseball, “Jessica Jones” (Disney +)

“Beauty and the Feast”

The Menu

Starters

 THC Gummies + (★★★★★) lol

Almonds

Beastly Bites

Chicken Sliders

Pizza (★★★★)

Frankenstein Stroganoff (★★)

Taco Salad

Salty Ass Chicken (★)

Turkey (★★★)

The Side

Veggie Mix

Protein Shake

Fries

Fluids

Enterade

Aldi Lemonade

Love you,

Brian

www.beastlybeautiful.com

Off Color

Michelle has been feeling a little off color this week. She has spent most days sleepy. 2-hour naps are not unusual. Keeping food down has also been a challenge. Chele describes this more as a stomach bug rather than a side effect. She has been dehydrated most of the week. I think she wants to punch me when I ask her if she has been drinking anything. Her blood pressure, temperature and blood oxygen levels are all normal. She has been eating breakfast every day and keeps protein shakes down on the days when she can’t keep solids down. I will bring her in for IV fluids on Monday if she does not improve over the weekend. 

The doctors will be seeing her for just one appointment next week, labs and intrathecal therapy. Hopefully rest and relaxation will help bring her strength back to “Michelle” normal. 

Highlight of the week Chele was able to see her granddaughter Abbie this week. It was Abbie’s birthday, and I was able to get Abbie to come over for a few hours to visit. Michelle was still feeling a little sick from the chemotherapy treatments but a visit from Abbie sure made her mentally healthy.  

Random Fact of the Week Color is an illusion, not part of the real world. We think of color as being a fundamental property of objects in life: green trees, blue sky, red apples. But that’s not how it works. “What color is not is part of our world,” says neuroscientist Beau Lotto. “Every color that people see is actually inside their head and the stimulus of color, of course, is light.” As light pours down on us from the sun, or from a lightbulb in our home, objects and surfaces absorb some wavelengths of light and reflect others. “The ones that are reflected then land onto our retina,” says Lotto. There, those reflected wavelengths are transformed into electrical signals to be interpreted by our brain. So, we don’t really “see” color, but reflected light, as interpreted in our brain. “It’s a useful perception of our world, but it’s not an accurate perception of our world,” says Lotto. Doesn’t that just blow your mind?

Did you know? Chele was single for 10 years before her and I got together. 

Throwback Love Story It was sometime in 2009, Michelle just had bunion surgery. She was walking around in an awkward boot. We decided to go shopping over the weekend, we spent the day getting the rechargeable motorized carts, so she did not have to struggle walking around as we completed our Saturday shopping. We had one last stop to make at Wal-Mart, then it was time to go back home and put everything away. When we got to Wal-Mart there were no motorized carts available but there were some regular wheelchairs available. It took some strong powers of suggestions, but she finally decided she would let me push her around the store in this rolling glory cart. I loved it. We can go fast, there is no waiting like there was for the motorized cart. I can get in and out of the isles with ease. At one point, Michelle asks me to slow down a bit “We are not in that big of a hurry” she says. To me it wasn’t about being in a hurry, it was about efficiency and getting things done at my pace. 

Yes, I know better, I slow down. Any husband in their right mind would take a clue, and I did. In my head I really want to go fast but I control my urge. I slowed the pace back down to what a normal person would probably be shopping at, not the Tasmanian Devil. Our cart is almost full as we are headed toward the check out and turn down the main isle. When I turned into the isle, I noticed another lady in her 70’s pushing her dad in his 90’s in a sweet looking sleek black and silver leather back wheelchair marked “Wal-Mart” just like mine. I thought -fair competition. I stopped right next to them, she stopped and looked over at me. The 90-year-old young man gently lifted his chin from his chest to see what I wanted. I looked at his 70-year-old daughter and I said “hey, nice wheels! Ya wanna race? Vroom, Vroom” I said in a raspy voice. Michelle was mortified and did not say a word. The nice 70-year-old grey haired lady just stood there and staired at me as she tasted my dust. I saw the right side of the man’s mouth slowly move toward his ear. At least I amused one person that day.  I had to promise Michelle that I would never again push her in a wheelchair, EVER. There are times now when I am pushing her at oncology where I will say to her, “Vroom, Vroom” She smiles about it now. Unfortunately, we do not race anymore. I am positive we would be the 1st place team! It’s a classic memory.

Deep Thoughts I do a lot of lucid dreaming. I don't control what I dream but I do remember the dream and can usually control the outcome. Knowing they are dreams, what would you control in your dreams, and would it matter when you wake up? Would you try to sleep and find the dream again? Many experts theorize that recuring dreams may be a way to work through unmet needs or process trauma. Do you still want to find that same dream?

Black and White Daytime “Flight 666” (Prime) 3 out of 5 Michelle stars (★★★) Unseen forces attack the passengers and crew on an international flight. As the people fight to stay alive, they realize that the unseen forces are the spirits of murdered girls. The spirits are trying to stop their killer, who is onboard the plane. 

“Big Brother” (Paramount +), “Survivor” (Paramount +), “Amazing Race – The easier leg” (Paramount +)

Primetime Living Color “Survive the Night” (Netflix) 3 out of 5 Michelle stars (★★★) A trauma doctor is forced to operate on a wounded gunman as he and his family are held hostage by the man and his unhinged brother. 

“Wheel of Time” (Prime), “Jessica Jones” (Disney +) NFL Football, Longhorn Football. 

“The Impasta”

The Menu

Off Color

THC Gummies

Almonds

Primary Colors

KC BBQ Chicken (★★) She liked the chicken not the sauce and hated the rice! Womp womp

Stir Fry (★★★)

Penne Parmesan Noodles with Sausage (★) I’d give it a negative star if I could. She hated it. I made her hotdogs instead, LoL.

Fried Fish (★★★★)

Lobster ravioli (★★★)

Shrimp (★★★★)

Vanilla Protein Shake with Frozen Fruit

RYB

Green Beans

Cheesy Broccoli Rice

Veggie Mix

Protein Shake

Frozen Fruit

Fluids

Lemonade

Water

Love you,
Brian

www.YellowMakesYouDizzy

Taking the Wind from the Turbine

 The chemotherapy took the wind from the turbine this week. Michelle had her 5th of 6 treatments of chemotherapy. This 3-day treatment was the most tiring of them all. After 5 hours in the infusion chair on day 1, she was not in the mood to eat and was ready for a nap. Day 2 she had intrathecal therapy and 1 hour of chemo in the infusion room. Finally on day 3 she spent 2 hours in the infusion room because of a faulty pump. Her blood counts were lower than normal and there is a slight concern about her magnesium levels. We are trying to supplement almonds so a magnesium infusion will not be necessary. Instead of watching a movie in the chair like she normally does, Chele napped instead. 

Next week we only have one appointment scheduled for labs and intrathecal therapy. It will be a good time for resting and recovery. This will be round 2 of intrathecal therapy. We are hopeful for positive results. 

Highlight of the week Michelle continues to impress. She spends a few minutes each day outside tending to a weed or 2. She also insists on walking part of the way to her appointments. She does much better in the morning.

Random Fact of the Week Wind turbines may be stopped because there is not enough wind, since this is an intermittent resource. Even though this might sound like a contradiction, too much wind also causes wind turbines to stop. Another reason for shutting down a wind turbine is to undertake preventive or corrective maintenance. The former involves scheduled shutdowns to inspect all the components. This is normally done every 6 or 12 months, when less wind is expected so a lower amount of potential energy is wasted. Corrective maintenance is undertaken when there is a breakdown and repairs need to be carried out.

Did you know?  Michelle wore boys’ shoes growing up. That was rough when she learned that after moving out and buying her first pair of shoes on her own.

Throwback Love Story In November 2012 I went on a mission trip to China. I was gone for 2 weeks. It was a lot harder than I thought, to be away from Michelle for that long. We communicated by email. I thought I would share a note I got from her one night during a long week away.

“I miss you so much.  I just feel in my bones that you are far away, and it is a really weird feeling.  It was so great to get your email when I woke up.  I felt like a little girl reading a note that was passed to me.  I know I am weird, but I just want you to know how you affect me and how much I miss you.  -Chele”

Memories of the time spent together and apart create a treasure that we both hold onto dearly.

Deep Thoughts I had some concrete poured to make my driveway a few years ago. When concrete is poured, it is very important to cut expansion joints in the concrete. By cutting control joints in the concrete, you can better control the random cracking that inevitably occurs in concrete slabs soon after the concrete is poured and set. These cuts do not go all the way through, yet grass grows in them. How? If grass can grow in an expansion joint, anything is possible - ANYTHING!

 Daytime Wind “Big Brother” (Paramount +), “Halloween Baking Championship -Physically Baking” (Food Network), AGT

Primetime Turbine “The Batman” 2 out of 5 Michelle stars (★★).  Batman ventures into Gotham City's underworld when a sadistic killer leaves behind a trail of cryptic clues. As the evidence begins to lead closer to home and the scale of the perpetrator's plans become clear, he must forge new relationships mentally, unmask the culprit and bring justice to the abuse of power and corruption that has long plagued the metropolis.

“Wheel of Time” (Prime) 4 out of 5 Michelle stars (★★★★), “MasterChef” (Hulu), NFL Football

“Turbine Turns”

The Menu

Gas Engine Starters

Dark Chocolate Bars

THC Gummies

Swifty Main Blades

Chicken Tenders

Coq au Vin - 3 out of 5 Michelle stars (★★★)

Classic Chicken Sandwich

Ramen Tonkotsu - 3 out of 5 Michelle stars (★★★)

Chicken Noodle Soup

Buttermilk Pork Sausage Biscuits - 1 out of 5 Michelle stars (★)

Beef Sausage

Base

Green Beans

Veggie Mix

Protein Shake

Frozen Fruit

Munchies

Cookie Dough Blizzard

Ice Cream

Fluids

Gatorade

Water

Love you,

Brian

www.HowDoesTheWindmillStart.org