A Glass Half Full

 Is your glass half full or half empty? Chele’s glass is refillable, so she isn’t too concerned about those semantics. There was no IT chemotherapy this week so there was no nausea or illness. She still had good days and bad days. Good days consisted of her pushing her wheelchair to the bathroom or kitchen table. On bad days she slept a lot and did not say too much. I can tell the tumors in her brain are taking their toll.

We are back from our holiday to a normal week next week with IT chemo and a PET scan. Insurance has not approved the PET scan yet, but the date was changed to align better with the 90 day recheck scan. We are supposed to meet with the oncologist too, but this will be futile without PET scan results, so I may reschedule this appointment.

Highlight of the week Chele made Lego daisies this week. With some help from her friend, she finished 2 really cool looking daisies. She later told me it was “surprisingly therapeutic”.

Random Fact of the Week We’ve all gotten used to driving in cars with windshields that are made of shatter-proof laminated glass, but it hasn’t always been this way. The first windshields were made from regular glass that’s used for standard windows. Of course, the main problem with this was how easily the glass would shatter during an accident, which became a major safety hazard.

Even Henry Ford himself was injured by flying glass shards because of this. That was until he decided that something needed to be done to lower the cost of the glass and make it safer. He went shopping for results. One of Ford’s employees, along with a British glass manufacturer, produced a new process that made our windshield glass safer, stronger, and more cost effective. 

Did you know? Michelle took her stab at becoming a stained-glass glazier. She was good at it and enjoyed the challenge of the craft. Working with lead and colored glass became another talent of hers.

Throwback Love Story “THE PROTECTOR PART III” Knowing that Titan was not a pasture dog, and the coyotes were a threat, it was time to research and buy a donkey. After researching we found that getting a female was definitely the way to go. The males were more aggressive and harder to train. We wanted something that we could pet and interact with, as well as protect the sheep. We also read that getting them young was important. Older donkeys are set in their ways, so getting a younger donkey that could grow up around our sheep was the route we wanted to take. We found one on Facebook Marketplace that seemed perfect. Female, young and good looking. We brought her home, named her Daisy and introduced her to the ranch. Daisy was timid at first but that was to be expected. She hung out with the cows too much. We encouraged her to hang out with the sheep by shutting off the pastures keeping the cows in one area and her with the sheep in the other. Daisy finally got the idea.

As the weeks went on, I opened the pastures and let the sheep and the cows commingle. Chele and I would watch from the house as Daisy would play with her flock. It was fun watching them run and chase each other. One day Chele and I were walking through the pasture after doing chores. We walked past Daisy and the sheep grazing in the east pasture. I looked over and greeted her with a friendly “Hello Daisy”. Michelle looked at me and smiled surprisingly and said “Honey, I think Daisy is a Duke!” Sure as I could see through glass, those were boy parts, not girl parts. The fun playing that we were watching from the house turned into aggressive sheep tossing. The smart thing would be to get rid of the donkey, but I was ready to be done with the sheep. The Sheep/Lamb experiment was over. I sold the sheep and kept Duke. He started getting aggressive towards the younger calves. It was now time to get rid of the donkey as well. I called some friends of ours who ran a rescue ranch nearby and they said Duke would fit right in. We now have cows, chickens, ducks and a pig. Enough for these 2 ranchers to handle.

Deep Thoughts Michelle took a class on stained glass a few years ago and she got pretty good at it. I often look at a piece she made hanging in the kitchen window. It sparkles and shines every day. One night I was on my computer at the kitchen table. All the lights were out. I looked up and did not see the piece of stained glass and wondered, where is it? It disappeared in the darkness. I turned the kitchen light on so I could see it and realized the true beauty of stained glass is revealed when there is light from within. Michelle is my example of stained glass.

Dual Pane Daytime “Beat Bobby Flay”, “MasterChef”, “Worst Cooks in America”, Football 

Looking Glass Primetime “Captain America: The First Avenger" (Disney +),

“Maniac” (Netflix) (★★) Annie Landsberg and Owen Milgrim are two strangers who are drawn to the late stages of a mysterious pharmaceutical trial. Each has a different reason for participating in the experiment -- she is disaffected and aimless, fixated on broken relationships with her mother and sister, while he has struggled throughout his life with a disputed diagnosis of schizophrenia. The radical treatment, using pills that the inventor claims can repair anything about the mind, draws Annie, Owen and 10 other subjects into a three-day drug trial that they're told will permanently solve all their problems, with no complications or side effects. Unfortunately, things don't go as planned.

“Bye Bye Barry” (Prime) A definitive first-hand account of the life of Barry Sanders, former American football running back.

“The Morning Show” (Apple TV).

“Captain Marvel” (Disney +)

“Blown Glass”

The Menu

See Through Starters

THC Gummies

Pineapples

Pears

French Door

Meatloaf (★) I tried it with pork. I liked it, Chele was not a fan

Honey Glazed Chicken (★★★)  

Garlic Chicken Skillet

Tortilla Crusted Tilapia

Turkey

Panko Fried Shrimp

Chili Mac

Shards

Peas

Mashed Potatoes

Rice

Tater Tots

Carrots

Waterfords

Banana Pudding

Ice Cream

 

Love you,

Brian

www.DontDanceOnBrokenGlass.org

Essence of the Tubeman

Many who hear of the almighty power of the wacky waving inflatable-arm flailing Tubeman laugh, as if it were a joke. On some days, getting Chele in and out of the car or maybe back into bed after using the toilet at 4:30am, I smile at the image of Tubeman. Sometimes I laugh out loud! We have good days and bad days here at the Luck house. Good days consist of Chele standing with little assistance, walking with an arm or hand from the couch to the kitchen table for dinner. Bad days we use the wheelchair for everything. I support her back to help her stand and use my knees to keep my back healthy. My tennis elbow is acting up, luckily that is my only complaint.  

Chele continued her IT treatment this week. We had an MRI last week that was not readable because we skipped the contrast. Insurance denied the PET scan. We are hoping for approval with a resubmission 6 months apart from the last PET. This continues our palliative path until the PET or MRIs show us chemo is or is not working. Whenever the situation fits, we will move from palliative care to hospice. Insurance will not cover hospice and palliative care at the same time. As the days and weeks move forward, we get closer to these harder decisions. 

I write this throughout the week and update as needed. One morning, later in the week, Chele woke up vomiting. No explanation this time. The neurologist calls these seizure type moments probably caused by existing brain lesions. I called the on-call oncologist who prescribed a high dose of steroids. Michelle remained lethargic and non-communicative for 24 hours. She had a seizure type activity while transferring her to the wheelchair after that, which was scary for both of us. She does remember it and is aware of what is going on.

Highlight of the week Chele and I spent time together, hand in hand. We watched TV and ate meals together. I am loving every minute I get with her right now.

Random Fact of the Week Where did those dancing inflatable men, called Tubemen, AirDancers or “tall boys”, originally come from? Trinidadian Carnival artist Peter Minshall created these long-armed, long-legged, exuberant dancers. Plastic, body-shaped tubes set on fans for the 1996 Summer Olympics. Minshall’s Olympics creative partner Doron Gazit controversially patented the tubes without Minshall, and now we can see them waving wildly from used car lots and cell phone stores. 

Turns out that vertical inflatables also make for good scarecrows. Farmer Gary Long says that he saw bird damage declining in his orchard of honey crisp apples from 20,000 pounds a year to zero.

Did you know? Michelle never uses the words dumb or stupid. She Thinks the words are degrading and demeaning. 

Throwback Love Story “THE PROTECTOR PART II” When Michelle and I heard that Leesie was adopted less than 48 hours after intake, we realized there was nothing we could do except possibly sue a non-profit organization. We still would not get our dog back; it would take months or maybe years, so we decided it was not worth the hassle. We are not the litigious type and did not see what satisfaction we would get out of it. I contacted the same breeder in west Texas and asked if he had any puppies left. He had 1, Sansa. Sansa fit right in at first. She hung out at the barn with Titan and loved hanging out with the sheep and chickens. Truth be told, she loved chasing the chickens too, it was a fun game for a young puppy. Every night we would hear the coyotes howl and we knew our sheep were protected. 

The pasture was far from secure. Michelle and I spent weeks putting up square sheep fencing around the entire 20 acres of our ranch. We did a decent job but there were areas where puppies like Sansa and Titan could get out. Plus, it was impossible to fence in the lake. Getting out and roaming free became an everyday occurrence. I would always find Titan, not too far away but Sansa would be gone. It would take hours on the gator searching for her, before I would finally find her and bring her home. I tried electric fencing, electric collars, leashes, ropes and kennels. Eventually I knew that Titan would stay around the ranch and Sansa was the wild one. She was the one teaching Titan how to explore. My solution was to keep Sansa tied up and Titan lose. This worked, if I did not think too much about it. Thinking about it, brough on guilt. I hated to be one of those people who contain their dogs. Titan would get out from time to time, I’d get a call from the neighbor saying he was in their yard, or they saw him walking near their house. 

It was 104 degrees one day and I got a call from the neighbor. Titan decided to use their doggy door and hide behind the bathroom toilet. Titan is not a small dog. Some say they have never seen a bigger dog than Titan. Him fitting through a doggy door is a challenge. The image of him “behind” a toilet was inconceivable. When I picked him up, he was happy to see me, confused as to why I would be upset.  I am sure he was thinking who wouldn’t want to find shelter in 104-degree heat? I also learned he had also climbed up in bed with them. This is not the dog I knew. It still isn't.  Meanwhile, we had some decisions to make. It was time to - get a donkey for protection, find Sansa a better place to roam, and move Titan into the house. I asked the doggy door neighbor if they could watch Sansa for us while we decided on what we needed to do with her. Titan no longer needed to sneak through doggy doors and was very content in the air-conditioned house, leaving only on cool mornings and for bathroom emergencies. Our neighbor still has Sansa. As for the Donkey? You will have to wait for part III on that story. 

Deep Thoughts What runs our generators? For the tubeman, you just plug him in, and the generator produces air and this wacky waving airdancer makes us smile. For us humans though, what fuels our generator? Food is the obvious choice. Fluids too, pretty obvious. Something not so obvious is emotions and attitude. I've seen in our cancer journey that positivity affects attitude. The human brain has a natural tendency to give weight to negative experiences or interactions more than positive ones. This is called negativity bias. I have learned that if we channel out the negative bias and focus more on the mountain of good things in our lives, the outcome is beneficial for both Chele and me. Is it hard and challenging? Of course, it is.

Air Dancing Daytime "Snack vs. Chef” (Netflix) Twelve chefs go head-to-head in a snack showdown; they must recreate iconic snacks, while inventing original snacks inspired by beloved classics; only one chef will prevail to claim the $50,000 prize.

“Beat Bobby Flay”, “MasterChef”, “Worst Cooks in America”, Football

Inflatable Primetime “Central Intelligence” (HULU) (★★★) Bullied as a teen for being overweight, Bob Stone (Dwayne Johnson) shows up to his high school reunion looking fit and muscular. While there, he finds Calvin Joyner (Kevin Hart), a fast-talking accountant who misses his glory days as a popular athlete. Stone is now a lethal CIA agent who needs Calvin's number skills to help him save the compromised U.S. spy satellite system. Together, the former classmates encounter shootouts, espionage and double-crosses while trying to prevent worldwide chaos.

“Midnight Mass” (Netflix) (★★★), Football

“Flailing Flame”

The Menu

Wacky Starters

THC Gummies

Mandarin Oranges

Jellybeans 

The Inflatables

Pizza

Panko Crusted Cod (★★★)

Chicken Jambalaya (★★) Too spicy again

Pizza

BBQ chicken Sammie’s (★★★)

The Blower

Green Beans

Fried Corn

Mixed Veggies

Protein Shake

Love you,

Brian

www.WarlordsFlail.com

Life Is Not A Bed Of Roses

Life is not a bed of roses. Daisies and sunflowers were not in the picture this week either. Michelle had a severe reaction to some pain medication that was prescribed to her. If you can imagine trying to lift someone into a car who has no control over their body, you can imagine part of our week. I was able to get Michelle into the oncology center for fluids and strong anti-nausea meds. After 2 days she returned to an “almost” new-normal.

Blood tests and an MRI of the brain did not reveal any abnormalities caused from the reaction. Michelle stayed tired and not motivated to do much. In addition to the tailbone pain she had from a fall she suffered a few weeks ago, she now has knee pain also. This was from her husband taking 45 minutes to load a wet noodle into the car after fluids and an anti-nausea infusion. Michelle does not remember much from the day. 

Chele’s sense of taste has disappeared again. She says things taste like cardboard. It has been a month since her last cisplatin infusion and over a week since her last IT chemo, so we are unclear what is causing this. Not being able to taste has brought on a slight depression. Hopefully the taste comes back, and Chele’s mood returns to where it was a week or so ago. 

 Highlight of the week Chele spent about 2 hours on the back patio this week. She enjoyed listening to the birds chirping and watching the one blue heron fish with its sister bird the snowy egret on Luck Lake. Her smile never left her face the entire time. We sat together hand in hand, and it felt like just 5 minutes.

Random Fact of the Week A Bed of roses is an expression that represents a carefree life. In the thirteenth-century poem “Le Roman de la Rose”, a Lover recounts his dream of touring a garden and finding a beautiful bed of roses by the Fountain of Love. The expression is also used by later poets. Here is a line in Christopher Marlowe's poem The Passionate Shepherd to His Love. This was published posthumously in 1599; Marlowe was stabbed to death in 1593.

And I will make thee beds of roses
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle
Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle;.

Did you know? When Michelle and I first met, she would yell “fools” whenever she saw cars or signs saying, “Just Married”.  I am ever so fortunate that tune changed!

Throwback Love Story “THE PROTECTOR PART I” We decided to get sheep in the summer of 2019. The thought was to knock down the weeds in the pasture that the cows don’t eat, this would be great for pasture maintenance. We have a lot of coyotes in the country and coyotes like the taste of sheep. I needed a dog to watch over and protect them and a donkey to hang out with them and scare away any immediate threats that might linger. We did some research on what kind of dog we wanted. Everyone has a Great Pyrenees. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t get something that everyone has. I wanted something unique, working dog caliber like a Pyrenees. It didn’t take me long to find the perfect breed, “The Anatolian Shepherd”. We decided to get a purebred because I knew getting the perfect purebred dog, he would do his job and protect the sheep, and the entire farm. Chele and I found a breeder in Tennessee that was making a trip south soon and agreed to bring Titan to us. He and his siblings were named after professional football teams and Titan was a fitting name for this dog. He was a perfect fit for us. We brought him home and introduced him to his new friends at the barn. It was obvious he was not raised with training on the shepherd mentality. He wanted to protect us, not sheep. Chele and I decided we needed to find him a female mate. We found an Anatolian Shepherd breeder here in Texas with girls, so we picked Leesie and introduced her to Titan. 

Keeping 2 puppies in the pasture was not easy. I now understand the best way to do this was to have the puppies learn from their parents, without this, it’s instinct. Unfortunately, this meant the dogs would wander. Working dogs like to protect the outer perimeter of the property keeping predators from coming in. One morning, I went down to check on the puppies and I could only find Titan. Leesie was missing. We searched everywhere. We went door to door and put flyers in mailboxes. We even put-up signs on telephone poles but did not get results. 3 days went by, and she was still missing. Chele and I were walking down to the barn, looking for Leesie again when we saw a family walking down our road. We asked them if they had seen our dog. They did not answer us, which was strange. They mumbled something in Spanish then I heard one of them say “no habla”. I saw them on their way back down our one-way street and begged them for an answer and one of them scoffed and said, “Have you checked the dog pound?” We did call several of the kennels near us right after Leesie disappeared and none of them reported seeing her. We later learned that Leesie followed the family home one day and they thought she had Parvo. They called Animal Control who oddly picked her up almost immediately. She was taken to a facility south central Austin to be screened for Parvo. It had been less than 72 hours since we lost her, so our hopes were high that we would get her back.

Chele and I went to the animal shelter and found they had released her after treating her for dehydration. She was sent to an adoption clinic less than 24 hours earlier. We went there to find they had already adopted her out. We were devastated. How does this happen? While I am sure this facility does great work for a lot of people and pets, they did not do great by us. I guess the 72 hours hold rule does not apply to all the animals. Good thing there is a part II to this story, until next week.

Deep Thoughts Roses are so beautiful. They can be so many different colours too. (Any SNL watchers here?) With that beauty comes the stem of thorns. They grow with a stem of thorns, not pretty until they bloom. I look at a rose bush every morning sitting at my kitchen table. Some days I see blooms, other days full of beautiful flowers. Sometimes it is empty with no blooms or flowers. Every day there are thorns. You can’t really see them though, you can only feel them, and there are a lot. I can correlate the roses with Chele, that’s easy, but what about the thorns? Is that the cancer? I can't physically see cancer, but I sure can feel it. It has felt like a thorn in my side. Maybe the thorns serve as protection for Chele’s survival right now, making them vital in her journey.

Bushy Daytime "The Great British Bake Off" -reruns (Netflix), “Survivor” (Paramount +)

Primrose Primetime “The Voice” (YouTube TV), “The Morning Show” (Apple TV) Season 3, "The Great British Bake Off" (Netflix), Football

“Thorny Bristle”

The Menu

Roots

THC Gummies

Mandarin Oranges

Pineapple Chunks

Jellybeans 

The Rose Pedals

Wild Elk Rice Casserole (★★★★)

Chicken pot pie

Personal Pan Pizza

Chicken Nuggies (★★)

Pulled Pork

Bratwurst

Stems

Mixed Veggies

Carrots

Rice

Tater Tots

Treats

Cake

Love you,

Brian

www.BedOfNails.edu

The Opossumable Is Just An Opinion.

 The opossumable is just an opinion. You have probably never heard that idiom before because I just made it up but when you believe, you believe. Anything is possible. Michelle has had a cheerful outlook all week. The week started Freezing cold, waking up in the 30’s. Chele stayed warm by the fire most days until we hit the upper 70’s by Saturday. She kept her spirits high during IT chemo this week. No illness this week, hooray! She slept most of the day after chemo. I can see that her body and mind getting weaker is frustrating for her.

Next week will be a busy one so I canceled the IT treatment. 3 MRIs with and without contrast on Tuesday and neurologist on Thursday.  

Highlight of the week Michelle spent time with her granddaughter Reagan this week. It was Regan’s birthday and we got to spend a few hours with her here at the house.

Random Fact of the Week The opossum is the Earth's oldest surviving mammal. It's nicknamed the “living fossil,” and for good reason: This animal has survived virtually unchanged since the Cretaceous/Paleogene extinction event 65 million years ago, which marked the end of the dinosaurs. There is a fact you might not have known. Opossums have opposable thumbs; they even have “thumbs” on their hind feet. They're the only non-primates in the world to have this bonus, and they use them to full advantage. You see, opossums are remarkably intelligent (especially given their teeny-tiny brains, which are one-fifth the size of a raccoon's), so they actually use those thumbs to open latches, containers and fasteners. (This is what makes them so efficient at getting into your garbage cans.) What's more, the opossum's tail is prehensile, which means the tail can wrap around branches and vines to help the animal climb. It is also a night creature that can see better by moon light. 

Did you know? Michelle loves watching horror movies. Pet Cemetery, Aliens and Halloween are the top 3 on her list.

Throwback Love Story It was the summer of ’69. Okay, maybe not but Bryan Adams’ voice sang in my head when I was writing this. Sometime back in the summer of ’09, Michelle was fresh out of surgery. She had bunions on both feet that gave her trouble. The trouble was with pain and fashion. We decided it was time to get them fixed. I know what you are saying, wait, he’s already told us a story about bunion surgery. Believe it or not, there was more than one bunion memory of ’09. #wheelchairraces

Michelle was laid up in bed for a week and I was running around the house doing chores. I went outside to gather the chicken eggs and our little dog Trixie followed me out into the back yard. Just as soon as I opened the door the dog shot out the door faster than a torpedo launch from a WWII submarine. Next thing I know she had an opossum in her mouth. Michelle’s mut rat dog just killed an opossum, wow. I wasn’t sure if I should be impressed or ticked off. At first, I was proud. Look what “my” dog did. Then I started thinking about the cleanup. Dang it, “Michelle’s” dog just killed a live animal, now I must clean it up. I called the dog into the house and went to grab a bag for disposal. On my way back out, I of course needed to let Chele know how displeased I was with “her” dog. Michelle was the one who cleaned up after dead and nasty things at this point in our marriage. Michelle always has had a strong constitution. She chuckled and asked if I could please record my gagging. I scoffed at that idea and stormed out of the bedroom. I puffed out my chest, determined to clean up this dead animal with pride, I made my way to the back yard where low and behold – he played opossum. Yup, literally gone. Man did I ever feel stupid. I came back into the house, confidently singing Bryan Adams “I got my first real six-string, bought it at the five and dime”. I hear Chele screamed to me from the bedroom “did you get it?” – Oh I got, got all right. We still laugh about this to this day. 

Deep Thoughts Should I be playing opossum with my emotions? There’s a difference between ignoring the fact that life is difficult in the present moment and thinking that life will always be difficult. Am I willing to acknowledge the grief rather than live in it? Can I adjust my expectation from "I'll always be happy" to "my hardships will come and go, and this too shall one day pass"? Not yet I'm not. I believe I am happy. I don't even think I am playing opossum. By the way, it’s only a possum if you’re in Australia and that’s a completely different animal.

Dead Possum Daytime “Haunted Mansion” (Disney +) (★★★) A realtor and his wife and children are summoned to a mansion, which they soon discover is haunted, and while they attempt to escape, he learns an important lesson about the family he has neglected.

"The Great British Bake Off" -reruns (Netflix), “Survivor” (Paramount +)

Opossum Primetime “Yes Day” (Netflix) (★★★) Always feeling like they have to say "no" to their kids, Allison and Carlos decide to give their three kids a "Yes Day," during which the kids have 24 hours to make the rules.

“Pigeon Tunnel” (Apple TV) (★★) Filmmaker Errol Morris pulls back the curtain on the storied life and career of David Cornwell, the former spy known to the literary world as John le Carré. 

“The Fall of the House of Usher” (Netflix) (★★★★)

“The Morning Show” (Apple TV) Season 3, "The Great British Bake Off" (Netflix), Football

“Playin’ Possum”

The Menu

Starters

THC Gummies

Pineapple Chunks

Jellybeans

Trash Can Pan

Crab Legs (★★★★)

Pan Seared Salmon (★★½) – a little well done

New Orleans Style Shrimp Scampi with Pasta ( ★★½) – too spicy

Taco Soup

Pizza

Garlic Parmesan Chicken (★½) – Dry Chicken 

Tortilla Crusted Tilapia (★★★★)

Extras

Green Beans

Sweet Corn

Mashed Potatoes

Rice

Tater Tots

Treats

Round Rock Donuts

Love you,

Brian

www.PossomVsOpossomNotTheSane.org